BOATPIG Page 71
Not wanting to vent on a full stomach you ask for the Continental option. This does not go down well with the Bureau, for reasons that are not explained, and Stav indicates he will be selecting the traditional Full English. As the plans are being made for the match you think you overhear some comments about your ‘foolish bravery’.
All becomes clear when you arrive at the challenging field. On Stav’s side his venting platform is surrounded by gigantic gantries and a magnificently vast crane to support his colossal top hat, this being the only logical meaning of ‘Full English’ in the world of Spleen, Spleen, Sploul. On your side you see a vast Beret erection rig that frankly looks worrying and far from safe.
After you beret and it’s elaborate support mechanism has been installed around you and the Monks of Antioch have departed, their arcane pre-match rituals complete, the trumpets sound and the match begins!
Stav adopts the position and in a loud, clear voice announces “Sploul”. The crowd and worldwide audiences go wild and, as the commentators pour over the action replays and compare his performance to that of the great Soviet champion Cheekclenchski, you curse your poor choice of rules. Do you