BOATPIG Page 76
Realising that conventional tactics are no good against as accomplished a player as Stav, you discard the Maxims of Count von Sploul and deploy the Triple Helsinki. By the second Helsinki your damnation score has looped back round to zero leaving you with a free run at the final Helsinki, spending your final tokens you complete the Triple and triumphantly declare - “Sploul”
The crowd, stunned to silence by the move, all turn to stare at the referee. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
Nodding his appreciation Mr T. declares that you clearly ain’t no sucker and, in passing, also announces you are the winner. As the crowd goes wild the analysts compare your victory to the famous 1930 Constantinople final, a high honour as that game was of such epic importance that Turkey was forced to rename the city to Istanbul just to contain the shock.
Turning to the Bureau they are in a huddle discussing how to respond, after a couple of round of voting the Chairman announces that by a vote of 4 to 0.2 you have been accepted into the Bureau and offered the role of Minister for Games. Still riding the post victory high you proudly accept.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You are a Bureau Member = +100pts
- You have received a full Minister = +50pts
- You didn’t die = +1pt
- You have witnessed the power of fully implemented Stavanomics. = +37pts
- You were victorious at Spleen, Spleen, Sploul = +20pts
- You aren’t actually clear what the Ministry of Games does = -39pts
- Stav is less than impressed with you = -1pt
- Emotional State; joy, exaltation and pride, with lingering regret at leaving behind your bagpipes = +11pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = +179pts
- Rating = Just short of a perfect darts score. Much like your achievement, very good indeed but not quite the perfection you hoped for.
- Stav Bureau Career = As a full Minister of the Bureau you are allowed access to the twin pillars beneath the Bureau; the staggering mysteries of the Legacy, the Ritual and the Prophecy and the awesome power of Stavanomics. Fully inducted you are left to run the Ministry for Games, charged with guarding and improving the old Bureau games while developing new ones, a weighty but noble burden.
- Future Life = After a bad start, you almost causing a full blown Category VI incident when you attempt to fully write down the rules to the Sport of, played by not with, Kings, you recover well and soon settle into the Bureau. As Minister for Games you are much in demand at meetings, displaying new games and correctly recalling the rules to the ancient classics. Far from being a burden the responsibilty has been the making of you, discarding your bassoons and bagpipes you have moved onto a higher, pub based, plane of existence. We should all be so fortunate.
Would you care to try again?