The Bureau of Yuri Stavros, visionary communistical puppet leader.
Basic Structure
The Bureau consist of forty two members but only 4.2 votes, this naturally cause some tension. Luckily as the malcontents don’t have a vote they can be safely ignored. At present not all the bureau seats have been filled and the membership is somewhat fluid, this is a deliberate feature to ensure the calibre and type of member can reflect the ever changing needs of the Bureau.
Voting Members
Non-Voting Members
- Deputy Party Chairman - ‘Not Fat Steve’ (The new Elm Tree pub dog)
- Vice Party Chairman - Marmite The Alarmingly Absent Cat
- Minister for Monkeys and Racial Equality - Jimmy
- Minister for Art - Alex
- Minister for Handbags, Interior Decoration and Comparison of Insurance - Vicki
- Minister for Shoes, Geography and Heron Control - Jo
- Minister for Economic Re-education with special responsibility for Grue Affairs - Chris
- Minister for Northern Outreach and Good Aids - Vic
- Minister Responsible for the Many Year Plan - Georgina
Entities to whom the Bureau extends a permanent invitation
- Prince Jefri of Brunei (also Honorary Minister for Pissing Away Other People’s Money)
- The Dark God of Voodoo
- The monkeys of Looe Monkey Sanctuary
Potential Future Ministries
- Ministry for Mortality Adjustment - Also know as the Health Ministry, see Health Policy
- Chancellor of the Bureau - We probably need one.
- Minister for Industrial Elevation - Who else will control and command our cranes
Former Members
- Minister for Fat Dogs and Deputy Chairman - ‘Fat Eddie’ (believed deceased)
- Minister for Scapegoating - Mike Towers (fired for the crimes of both himself and others. But mainly his.)
Aims
- World domination
- Establishment of a one party global police state
- Implementation of Stavanomics
- Network of hollowed out volcanoes linked by globe-spanning monorail
- VAT free shoes and handbags
- Appoint Jimmy as Chief Warden of Looe Monkey Sanctuary
- Every bureau member should have at least one crane
- Various Murdoch’s to personally provide whatever sports coverage a Bureau member will require.
Electoral Mechanics
Voting System
The system is controversial to say the least but is at least simple; One voting member, one vote. Unless the man is Stav in which case he only gets 0.2 of a vote.
In the event a voting member is absent their vote is reallocated by the Party Chairman in accordance with a strict order of precedence of senior StavBureau members in good standing. If no-one on the order of precedence is present either then the Chairman can reallocate the vote at his own discretion.
Bureau At Large
In the event that the Chairman is absent and there are in-sufficient Senior Non-Voting members present to make up the numbers, it is permissible for decisions to be made by as much of the Bureau as is present. Such ad-hoc groups are referred to as the Bureau at Large and their decisions are unarguable binding law, until such time as the rest of the Bureau finds out. At this point the decisions are null and void until the full Bureau has voted on the matter.
Senior Non-Voting Members in Order of Precedence
Reserve Non-Voting Members in No Particular Order
While both lists are somewhat on the short side the Bureau is distinctly short of senior members in good standing. Indeed even the definition of ‘good standing’ has had to be stretched beyond breaking point to produce the above lists.
Stav Bureau Members in Such Bad Standing as to be Banned from Voting
- Chris - For failing to drink Donkey’s Tears.
- Alex - For repeated failure to attend Bureau events at short notice and serious existence failure violations.
Recent Triumphs
Lamentably few. Despite the opportunities presented by the recent economic crisis the Bureau has singularly failed to get Stavanomics accepted or even discussed as a realistic alternative to the current system. This is regrettable.