bp9

BOATPIG Page 9

Aghast at this turn of event you panic and, without thinking, enter a bid, declaring “Spleen”. All around you the sounds of the pub come to a halt, a distant clock begins to chime mournfully and a tumbleweed rolls gently through the pub.

The silence is broken by the sound of the door opening and the Spleen Police coming to take you away, charging you with crimes against splouls and attempting to play spleen, spleen sploul while clearly having no idea how the game works.

Your Ending

You are arrested and after a brief, but fair, trial given the long prison sentence your poor game skills richly deserve; salt mining on the moon. A criminal record is not formally an obstacle to Bureau membership, though it is preferred potential members have the skills to keep their crimes hidden, or at least ensure enough fortunate fires in evidence rooms to keep cases from getting to trial. However given the nature of your crimes against man, nature, god and spleen, spleen, sploul the Bureau are unanimous in rejecting your application.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• Not a Bureau Member = 0 points
• You have no idea how to play spleen, spleen, sploul = -10pts
• But you decided to challenge the Bureau to a game = -10pts
• Why? = -50pts
• Emotional State; Fear and disgust = -7 points
• Sentenced to mining salt on the moon = -18pts
• You didn’t die = +1pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = -94ts
• Rating = Well at least you didn’t die.
• Future Life = You have been sent to mine salt on the moon as punishment for trying to play SSS while having no idea how the game works. This is a gesture of compassion from the Bureau who intervened to commute the traditional sentence of lava mining until sorry or dead. Despite this kindness your time in prison passes slowly, you will only earn your freedom when you have produced enough salt, however mining is quite tricky in a space suit. Worse you are beginning to suspect there isn’t actually any salt on the moon.

Would you care to try again?