BOATPIG Page 63
You recall the Tajikistani Plumber ruleset being fairly straightforward, as your SSS skills are a bit rusty you think a simple set should give you the best chance.
You realise this is a mistake the moment you speak, the look of utter contempt on the faces of the Bureau say it all. There are no words and no need for them, you realise the scale of your mistake in even suggesting that a player of Stav’s calibre lower himself down to such a level. Silently you walk out in shame, knowing you have failed the interview in a quite spectacular fashion. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
Having insulted the Bureau with your poor knowledge of both Spleen, Spleen, Sploul rules and basic etiquette, your application is duly rejected, though as a sign of their magnanimous nature you are offered the chance to reapply should you master the intricacies of the game and achieve a respectable world ranking.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- Not a Bureau Member = 0 points
- Your application was formally rejected = -10pts
- But you may be allowed to reapply in the future = +10pts
- You didn’t die. = +4pts
- Your Spleen, Spleen, Sploul skills are weak = -25pt
- Never got a pint to drink = -5pts
- Emotional State; shamed, but with a glimmer of hope for the future = +7pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -19pts
- Rating = A relatively low negative scheme AND you didn’t die. Not bad by the standards of BOATPIG.
- Future Life = Realising your only route to being a Stav Minister is through mastering Spleen, Spleen, Sploul you devote the rest of your life to mastering SSS in all it’s guises, eventually rising to the rank of No.7 in the World and culminating in your victory in the Atlantis Sploul arena where you win the Quinquennial Underwater Invitational Masters. Sadly your attempt to use this triumph to gain a second interview with the Bureau falls short when people realise the acronym for the contest is QUIM and start sniggering uncontrollably. Bad luck.
Would you care to try again?