BOATPIG Page 52
The Bureau do not respond well to your threat, particularly when the cockup was substantially of your own making and really rather hilarious. Thus they reply by messenger gibbon that not only have you failed the interview but that, much like the Mysterons, they will take a slow but unstoppable revenge against you utilising a traitor close to you. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
While gutted by your failure to gain admittance to the Bureau you are not especially worried by the threat, after all the Mysterons were fairly inept. Then you remember that you lack the indestructible abilities of Captain Scarlett, a man who was regularly ‘killed’ by the Mysterons. Suddenly the threat becomes far more terrifying, all you can think of is the vast resources of the Bureau being applied to revenge!
You pull yourself together and utilise the head start you’ve been given. To avoid the threatened Captain Black-esque traitor you cut all ties with family and friends and head off-grid, abandoning all technology, sleeping in a portable Faraday cage and living in the wilderness to avoid any human contact.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- Not a Bureau Member = 0 points
- You failed the interview quite spectacularly = -97pts
- You are threatned with a Mysteron style revenge = +2pt
- But you aren’t indestructible = -3pts
- Skilled Hoe user = +1pt
- Emotional State; gibbering in abject terror = -103pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -200pts
- Rating = Not dead. But you did insult the Bureau who are now hunting you down. This probably wont end well for you.
- Future Life = Many decades later you tire of your lonely, miserable life on the run and decide to hand yourself in just to end your own suffering. You report to the nearest Bureau compound and await your fate. Eventually a Deputy-Vice-Under-Minister emerges and sheepishly explains that the revenge warrant against you was indeed agreed by the Bureau, however it was then delegated to Shep in his role as Minister for Security and he never quite got round to implementing it, so there was no need to go on the run at all as there was no actual revenge being planned. He then smiles, saying that as you’ve now kindly reminded everyone about the revenge that order has finally been processed and you are to be dragged off to Swansiff for your punishment. As a measure of appreciation for your sporting gesture in admitting to your guilt the Bureau have munificently agreed that your original sentence of being torn apart by wild earthworms will be commuted. Instead they have granted you the mercy of being torn apart by wild snails, so instead of months you will have to wait mere weeks for your inevitable demise.
Would you care to try again?