bp31

BOATPIG Page 31

You straighten your boob-tube, totter over on your eight inch stilettos and tell the senior ho-wrangler that you are, in fact, a chap and so will probably disappoint the prospective client.

Before you can continue the wrangler explains that as both he and the selection panel were blessed with the gift of sight they were well aware of this ‘revelation’ and are in fact counting on; there are always a few customers with specialist tastes. Taking advantage of your shocked state a pair of junior wranglers drag you towards the door and launch you towards your first client. - GAME OVER

Your Ending

Flying through the air your training, and the complex GPS control systems, take over and guide you towards an anonymous address in East London. Your dreams of escape are crushed as your radio headset crackles into life and the senior wrangler indicates they take a dim view of employees who breach their contracts, the threat of salt mining on the moon is mentioned. Fearful of a future of lunar salt extraction you decide to just go through with it. How bad can it be?

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• Not a Bureau Member = 0pts
• You failed to even get to the interview = -8pts
• Because of your own damned stupid plan = -25pts
• Emotional State; Embarrassment and shame at your bad planning. = -13pts
• You are falling from a pimped out Zeppelin, looking like a fairly unconvincing transvestite, towards East London and an uncertain fate = -87pts
• You find this slightly arousing = +1pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = -132pts
• Rating = You’ve failed to meet the Bureau and you are now a paid up member of Shep’s G-B-A-H. And you’ve made a right mess of applying your mascara. What did you expect?
• Future Life = As you look out of your window at the stunning view you realise that, despite it all, things could have gone worse. How many men can say they’ve done what you do every day? As you pull on your space suit and make your way towards the Lunar salt fields you count yourself lucky to be one of the few to have actually walked on the moon. Sadly you are not quite lucky enough to be able to ever forget that night in East London, despite your best efforts.

Would you care to try again?