BOATPIG Page 185
You make your way to the Dragon’s lair beneath the Bank of England, Dragon’s being nothing if not traditionalists when it comes to lair locations. You attempt to calm yourself, but the adrenalin surging through your veins makes that impossible. Throwing caution to the wind you thumb the SB button and kick the doors down to the central chamber, your dramatic entrance into the Dragon’s presence being accompanied by Spandau Ballet’s Gold. As the music fills the room all you can do now is have faith in the warbling power of Tony Hadley’s crooning. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
To your relieved surprise the tune is clearly having an effected on the beast. Disappointed by the lack of Gold in the vaults, almost as if a one eyed Scottish idiot had sold most of it at the bottom of the market, the Dragon finds the repeated mentions of it’s favourite precious metal calming. Long before the song reaches it’s, for want of a better word, climax the Dragon has fallen asleep and it is but the work of moments to chain it up.
The beast chained down, with chains that it can’t easily melt, you make your way to the surface to report your triumph to the Bureau and await their judgement on your work. After overcoming their surprise that you actually survived the Valley of the Mullets, most don’t, the Bureau are impressed with your work, particularly the Chairman who believes the dragon will make a superlative pet. They are therefore prepared to offer you a position as Minister for Quests, Slaying and Crusades, not quite what you were expecting but an offer you gratefully accept.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You are a member of the Stav Bureau = +50ts
- You are in fact a full blown Stav Minister = +50pts
- You Ministry in no way involves bassoons, saxophones and bagpipe, which was your original hope = -11pts
- However it does sound quite impressive = +25pts
- Although the crusades part is slightly concerning = -9pts
- You didn’t die = +1pt
- The once lost Sacred Keytar of New Romance has been returned to civilisation undamaged = +7pts
- The Bureau categorically state that this is in no way a good thing = -8pts
- Emotional State; pride, elation and a worry about possible future Middle Eastern trips = +16pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = +121pts
- Rating = A number that seems like it should be significant, but in fact isn’t. Your score is a metaphor for your achievement, it looks impressive and indeed in many, many ways it is, yet it’s not quite as significant as your would first imagine.
- Stav Bureau Career = Quests, Slaying and Crusades is something of an odd Ministry as it should technically be part of Security. However experience has taught the Bureau that urgent matters are not where Stav Minister Shep's true strengths lie and that occasionally there is need for prompt action, hence your Ministry. It is therefore a life of long periods of waiting around, interspersed with desperate life or death challenges, all in all not quite what you were hoping for, but rewarding nevertheless.
- Future Life = While you have all the trappings of power, hollowed out Volcano Lair and your own Lava Mine, you soon realise that, in the grandest tradition of dictatorships, while all Minsters are equal, some are more equal than others. The awesome power of Stavanomics is still unclear to you and you have not been inducted into the mythical mysteries of the Legacy, Prophecy and Ritual, such secrets are kept back for the Inner Circle. When on Bureau duty such problems are irrelevant, the thrill of the hunt distracts you, but in the down time you wonder if perhaps you could have chosen more wisely.
Would you care to try again?