BOATPIG Page 184
Applying your hazy knowledge of world geopolitics you pick on the ‘stans’ as being the most likely place to have a major foreign policy question named after then. Dismissing such option as Kazakh or Kyrgyz you opt for Stavistan, the most dynamic and powerful of all the fictional ex-Soviet republics. Your bold gamble complete you await the verdict of the Bureau. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
As you suit up under the ever watchful gaze of your guards you reflect on quite how bad a choice you made. The long trek across the Caloris Basin provides a fine opportunity to think about what you should have said instead. As always the work is too onerous to allow much thought and it is not until the long journey home that you have time to think further on your so called crimes. Admittedly you did accidentally reveal something about Project Stavistan, but even the Bureau admitted you clearly knew nothing about Stavistan so this punishment seems unduly harsh. You hope that your meeting with the parole board will allow you to finally get this entire matter cleared up.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You didn’t die = +1pt
- Some might say you are facing a fate worse than death = -2pts
- But it’s probably not that bad really = +3pts
- Probably = -2pts
- You aren’t a Bureau Member = -25pts
- You clearly go things spectacularly wrong at the interview = -19pts
- You expected a chance at your trial = -8pts
- At a Stav Bureau trial = -42pts
- Emotional State; anger, injustice, exhaustion from all the mining in the hot sun = -12pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -106pts
- Rating = Clearly things went very badly wrong here. One might even say spectacularly so. While it is possible to do worse, you could have died and have a triple digit negative score, this is still a disaster.
- Future Life = The parole board meets and the head announces the Bureau have sent a letter explaining the situation. They explain that while the security leak about Project Stavistan was bad and deserved some form of punishment, it was not the reason they gave you such a harsh punishment. The harshness of the sentence was due to your terrible Geography, even the most westerly of the Stans is still further east than Jordan, thus they cannot possibly be the Near East. The fact that Stavistan is nowhere near Central Asia is irrelevant to your ignorance of the subject, which they firmly believe has to be punished by mining Mercury on Mercury until sorry and/or incinerated.
Dejected you return to prison and trying to ‘mine’ a material that has a boiling point higher than the surface temperature of the planet. Belatedly you wish you had tried harder in Geography at school.
Would you care to try again