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BOATPIG Page 174

Going for the unusual option you select Stavistan, without doubt the most exciting of all the fictional former-Soviet republics. Alas as Jo explains while Stavistan would welcome Zombie mining with open arms if it existed it it, in fact, fictional. Having failed the question she now cannot help you.

Dejectedly you begin absent mindedly wandering the streets trying to come up with a new plan. Scant minutes later your are woken from your reverie by the distinctive clatter of the approach of a horse drawn Zeppelin, however like many before you this is not enough warning and you are soon in the custody of the Stavish Inquisition. - GAME OVER

Your Ending

As you look out across the wilds of the North Atlantic you reflect on the magnanimous nature of the Bureau. To protect the secret of Stavistan’s actual existence, a secret you were suspected of knowing, they were well within their rights to sentence you to lava mining on the sun, or worse, yet instead they have shown mercy and instead sent you to His Stavishness’ Prison Rockall.

Of course it could be argued this was all a terrible mistake and in fact the Bureau should have let you go, with some form of compensation, once it became clear you in fact knew nothing about the Stavistan Project and were just guessing wildly. However this is not a helpful attitude and people who aren’t helpful don’t get magnanimous gestures, they get magma related gestures, so you have learnt to hide your true feelings on the matter.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• You didn’t die = +9pts
• You now know of the existence of Project Stavisan = +18pts
• You are in no position to tell anyone about it = -19pts
• Which was the whole point = +1pt
• You aren’t a member of the Stav Bureau = -25pt
• You failed to even find the location the interview would be held = -9pts
• You still don’t know where the global capital of Zombie mining is = -1pt
• Emotional State; cold, damp, squashed and hiding a deep burning resentment of Stavistan and the Bureau = -12pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = -46pts
• Rating = That didn’t go well. While you could argue you were just unlucky there are no points for that in the Bureau or in BOATPIG.
• Future Life = Your time on HSP Rockall doesn’t go well, after many decades of labour you begin to suspect the terrible truth that there is in fact no salt on Rockall, so you will never be able to mine enough to complete your sentence. This is particularly annoying as the Bureau proudly announced Project Stavistan to the world years ago but still haven’t let you out. The prison governor agrees this is unfortunate but is in no way regrettable.

Would you care to try again?