BOATPIG Page 17
With a spring in your heart and hope in your feet you accept the high honour of a provisional position in the Stav Bureau! The Party Chairman announces that, while you will have a position in the Bureau hierarchy you will not, in fact, be a minister. Instead after your impressive rantings you are to be Provisional Governor-General of Swansiff, once the Bureau get round to actually mandating it’s creation.
This was not what you had hoped and dreamed of. While running the twin cities of Swansea and Cardiff does have some appeal there is the minor detail they don’t actually exist yet. On the other hand they will have a Resident Evil style laser bridge as the only connection between them and the outside world, which is a plus, and who knows, perhaps you can work your way up the ranks? You accept. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
You have a position in the Bureau. Well done. Probably.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You have a position in the Stav Bureau = +100pts
- You are not a Stav Minister = -10pts
- The role you do have is not a good one either = -49pts
- It will involve running the hellish, post-apocalyptic twin cities of Swansiff = -50pts
- You may have the chance to meet Kurt Russell when he makes ‘Escape from Swansiff’ = +15pts
- The film wont be any good = -16pts
- Emotional State; slight pride and disappointment = +2pts
- You were gracious in Spleen, Spleen, Sploul defeat = +9pts
- But you shouldn’t have been = -8pts
- You didn’t die = +5pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -2pts
- Rating = A role in the bureau and not dead. OK so it’s not a good role, hence the negative score, but you didn’t die and for that you should be congratulated.
- Stav Bureau Career = Though overseeing Swansiff is a rewarding career you hunger for more. As the Stav Bureau’s control grows and expands you are promoted and move to various other Bureau facilities; the Uber-Twunt Collider under Mt Snowdon, the Monkey-Penguin DNA fusion laser device in the Brazilian uplands, the BIOS Monkey development programme in Ulan Bator and the How-to-exclaim-while-saying-F!Tang research laboratory under the Bodleian Library. Eventually your career culminates when you are selected to lead the vast and highly classified R&D (Ranting & Depravity) complex codenamed Area 42.
- Future Life = While you never made it to the rank of Minister you become one of the Bureau’s most trusted and respected minion herders, controlling billions in ill-advised research and directing vast armies of researchers to question things man was never supposed to know. If you had the time you might regret never reaching the exalted rank of Stav Minister, but frankly keeping the Veloci-Gibbons from escaping is a full time job.
Would you care to try again?