BOATPIG Page 148
Entering the Dragon’s lair beneath the Bank of England you brace yourself and press the AATA button. The keytar bursts into life and begins emitting the haunting tune of Prince Charming by Adam and the Ants, which was unexpected to say the least. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
As the song warns, ridicule is nothing to be scared of, something that especially applies to dragons. Disgusted by the lack of lyrical ambition in the song and, enraged at the blatant musical similarity to the the obscure masterpiece War Canoe, the dragon promptly incinerates you.
At this point it would be nice to say that your heroic sacrifice distracted the dragon, leaving the way open for the Bureau to slay the beast. Alas the Bureau had not yet got round to actually attacking the beast, and wouldn’t do so for a good few days.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You are not a member of the Stav Bureau = 0pts
- You didn’t even make it to the interview = -18pts
- Because you died = -1pt
- You did penetrate to the heart of the Valley of the Mullets = +38pts
- You then picked the correct artefact = +47pts
- Making it a real shame you cocked up at the last moment = -134pts
- The sacred keytar of New Romance was destroyed = -179pts
- This is not actually a bad thing = +180pts
- Emotional State; dead, dishonoured and dead. And also dead = -33pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -100pts
- Rating = You died in a way that failed to contribute in any meaningful way to the defeat of the beast of London Below and you are not even a posthumous member of the Bureau. It was never going to be a good score now was it?
- Future Life = You are a small pile of cooling ash. To give you a clue your future does not involve cracking the secrets of Thorium power. Or indeed anything else. At all.
Would you care to try again?