BOATPIG Page 146
As you hold up the one true jacket of Hawkes you feel a buzz of power shooting through you. Then you realise it’s just your phone on vibrate, it’s a text from Jimmy asking if you’ve found the sacred weapon yet. You are just about to respond when an out of breath Knight of Siam finally arrives, looking at the jacket he shakes his head. You worry you have chosen poorly. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
On the plus side you don’t age rapidly to death or have your face melt off. On the down side the jacket is basically useless and the Knight won’t let you pick another one. Dejectedly you exit the complex, mocked by the Lamassu and feeling the deep burning shame of failure.
As you feared Jimmy is disappointed, however as you at least got to the central chamber he’ll let you leave Milton Keynes alive. But he confirms there is no point applying as you clearly don’t have the right stuff for the Bureau.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You do not have a position in the Stav Bureau = 0pts
- You didn’t even make it to the interview = -31pts
- You outwitted a Lamassu in a battle of wits = +13pts
- But even a Hittite could do that = -12pts
- You escaped from Milton Keynes = +8pt
- You didn’t die = +1pts
- Emotional State; shame and dishonour = -19pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -40pts
- Rating = You didn’t die and you escaped Milton Keynes, all in all not a bad BOATPIG out come. Of course you didn’t get into the Bureau, hence the negative score, but then remarkably few endings in this game do end with you joining the Bureau so chin up.
- Future Life = With only the one true jacket of the Hawkes to show for the entire process you ponder your next move, the world of bagpipes and bassoons pales now you have seen such wonders, yet you still feel drawn to them. The solution is obvious - you form a Chesney Hawkes tribute band, interpreting his music through the medium of bagpipe. That you think this is a good idea is your crime, it is also your punishment.
Would you care to try again?