BOATPIG Page 144
You boldly state that MC Hammer is convinced you cannot touch cloth. There is a long disappointment filled pause. Jo then sighs and explains that this is clearly the wrong answer, his clothing alone prove that Mr Hammer had a real and genuine fear of touching cloth. Why else would his trousers be so baggy?
While the Bureau is normally relatively forgiving on such matters, this is such a gross error that Jo feels she has little option. With those cryptic words she hangs up - GAME OVER
Your Ending
Lost, confused and disappointed you try to work out what to do next. Unfortunately the decision is taken out of your hands when you begin to feel the threat of touching cloth yourself, cursing the name of MC Hammer you race around London trying to find a public convenience.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You failed to even attend the interview = -25pts
- You would have failed had you attended = -18pts
- You are the subject of a vague yet terrifying threat = -53pts
- Your MC Hammer knowledge is abymsally poor = -11pts
- You did eventually find a W.C. before things became unspeakable = +1pt
- Emotional State; Shame and disappointment, mixed with a lingering sense of relief and satisfaction that you dodged the ultimate humiliation = +7pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -99pts
- Rating = Well your not dead and by just avoiding the negative century your ending was not as shameful as it could have been. Still not very good though is it?
- Future Life = Thinking you have dodged the revenge you attempt to rebuild your life. Alas your peace is shattered when a liveried messenger gorilla delivers a note from the Bureau. To your shock you discover you have confused the Bureau’s revenge with a random outbreak of Amoebic Dysentery (an understandable mistake to make) and in fact your illness was nothing to do with Jo’s threat. In fact the actual revenge shall be your life time ban from the public conveniences of the world. And Amoebic Dysentery (told you it was an easy mistake to make). As you contemplate a lifetime of touching cloth, or worse, you wish you had paid more attention to the life and career of MC Hammer.
Would you care to try again?