bp141

BOATPIG Page 141

After your victory you make an impassioned speech to the Bureau, highlighting your triumphs and fine qualities, culminating in an emotional plea for your long held dream; being Stav Minister for Bassoons, Saxophones and Bagpipes! Your speech complete you can only await the judgement of the Bureau - GAME OVER

Your Ending

The Bureau are somewhat taken aback by this plea and confer amongst themselves. Eventually Chairman Phil calls a vote, then another and then finally a third vote. Your nervousness grows with each vote, until finally Phil puts you out of your misery. The Bureau have agreed that, as bassoons are essentially giant cocks, there is no need for a Minister for Bassoons as Axel’s Ministry for Public Morality already covers that sort of thing. Equally you are ineligible for the Ministry for Music as Bagpipes are not, in fact, musical instruments. This is, to put it mildly, quite a blow.

However he then gives you the good news, due to your experience the Bureau consider you perfectly qualified as Vice-Minister for Motto Enforcement! As the relief at getting any role at all floods through your body you gratefully accept.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• You are an accredited Bureau Member = +100 points
• Not a full Minister though = -20pts
• You failed to read the small print = -75pts
• Not dead = +2pts
• Not declared a fool or pitied by Mr T. = +37pts
• Emotional State; Joy, relief, lingering disappointment = +15 points

Ranking

• Grand Total = +59pts
• Rating = A Vice-Minister role and not dead or pitied. These are mighty achievements in BOATPIG, however your score is somewhat dragged down by quite what your role is.
• Future Life = As the emotions subside you venture to ask quite what on earth your new job actually is. It is explained that the Bureau has many mottoes and they need enforcing, not on the full members of course but on the massed ranks beneath them. Indeed it was felt giving you this job after the trials and tribulations of the interview process was entirely apt, after all have you not just experienced; Unnecessary Risks for Pointless Rewards?

Would you care to try again?