BOATPIG Page 136
Clearly you are going to have to address this Dagenham issue, if nothing else you know the Bureau appreciate a fine piece of blagging. Resolving to at least show commitment you hurl yourself into a full blooded defence of Dagenham in fact being the Near East, your argument revolving around Dagenham being both East of Greenwich and also quite close to Greenwich, making it both Near and Eastern.
Your verbal exertions complete you settle back to await the Bureau’s response. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
It soon becomes apparent you have caused something of a rift in the Bureau, you take this as a good sign as it means at least some of them agree with you. The issue is that while your argument is technically correct, the best kind of correct, there is the minor problem that the Near Eastern Question has absolutely nothing to do with Dagenham. After several rounds of voting the Bureau agree to offer you a position as Deputy Vice Minister for Bureau Logic, a position you warily accept.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You didn’t die = +1pt
- You are a member of the Bureau = +50pts
- But not a full Minister = -26pts
- It is unclear what your role will actually be = -8pts
- Much of the Bureau’s true power and wisdom will remain hidden from you = -11pts
- You will get lava effect central heating and a partially excavated hillock lair = +16pts
- Emotional State; excitement, relief and a slight sense of unease about the future = +22pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = +44pts
- Rating = While it could be better, it could also be much worse. A Deputy Vice Ministership is not to be sniffed at, indeed just staying alive is an achievement.
- Stav Bureau Career = There is no Ministry for Bureau Logic, instead you fall under the Office of the Party Chairman where many of the vital but hard to categorise parts of the Bureau are collected. Your training begins at once and you soon realise that Bureau Logic is harsh mistress, but once tamed capable of incredible things. With your aptitude for blagging and lateral thinking you soon progress up the ranks and end your career having reached the dizzying heights of Under Minister for Logical Affairs.
- Future Life = As a minion rises up the complex and only slightly recursive hierarchy of the Bureau the perks provided increase exponentially. While the Legacy, Prophecy and Ritual are kept from you, as a senior logic wrangler you are shown the awesome power of Stavanomics and are soon able to turn that to your advantage, eventually trading in your hillock for a proper hollowed out mountain lair and acquiring many of the vital accoutrements of a senior Bureau minion such as monkey butler and personal submarine eating oil tanker. While it is not the life you dreamed of, you soon find the pleasures of twisting an innocent argument to serve the Bureau’s purpose a more than adequate substitute.
Would you care to try again