bp134

BOATPIG Page 134

Worried about the chances of a frontal assault succeeding you direct your companion to begin digging. The Mole enthusiastically complies, diving down and sending earth flying as he begins tunnelling. After a big of digging around you locate the Dragon’s lair and the final confrontation, you know your Bureau future (and your life) rests on the coming battle.

Bursting through the tunnel wall the Mole gains the element of surprise on the unsuspecting Dragon, it’s honed claws inflicting terrible wounds on the beast. Such is the fury of it’s initial assault that the Dragon never recovers, granting the Mole a surprisingly easy victory. And that’s a good thing surely? - GAME OVER

Your Ending

Elated with victory you seek out the Bureau to claim your reward. Sadly you do not receive the reception you were hoping for, the Bureau summoning you to their private rotating office atop the BT tower. From that vantage you see the succession of vast mole hills your ‘stealth’ approach has left across the capital, demolishing vast swathes of the city including quite a few Bureau vital ‘regional command centres’ that they quite liked.

While the Bureau has no problem with vast and wanton destruction they do demand it is deliberate, unleashing it by accident is a sign of the worst kind of rank amateurism. As you did at least defeat the Dragon they have decided you wont have to pay damages, but they do insist you get out of their sight before they change their minds.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• Not a Bureau Member = 0pts
• Technically you didn’t fail the interview = +1pt
• But you were banished from their presence and forever banned from being a member = -100pts
• You defeat the escaped Dragon of London Below = +48pts
• Well technically the Great Mole of Milton Keynes did so = -49pts
• However you did at least summon the Mole = +2pts
• And then give it entirely the wrong instructions, thus accidentally destroying large swathes of London = -3pts
• Doing far more damage than the Dragon would ever do in fact = -37pts
• Emotional State; Shame, embarrassment, vertigo and shame. And more shame = -5pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = -143pts
• Rating = Well at least your not dead. You may feel aggrieved that, despite defeating the Dragon, your score is so very low. If that is the case I can only suggest you re-read the section above until you understand
• Future Life = You soon discover the banishment from the sight of the Bureau is far worse than you first feared, in effect you have been banned from every pub, bar, club and drinking establishment in Britain just on the off chance the Bureau may walk in one day for a drink. Depressed you flee back to your home and attempt to find solace in your bagpipes, a justly miserable end for such as you.

Would you care to try again?