BOATPIG Page 132
Having failed to outwit the Lamassu you return to Milton Keynes to report your failure to Jimmy. You suspect he will not be impressed. Surprisingly given your recent record at this sort of thing you suspect correctly. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
Jimmy is not pleased. Had it been a proper Sphinx he would have understood, but you only faced a cut price knock off Sumerian Lamassu, frankly even a Hittite could out wit one of those. Jimmy explains that not only are you banned from joining the Bureau but that, regretfully, he will have to deploy his simian minions to ensure you remain trapped in Milton Keynes. With that he hangs up and leaves you to your fate.
After an abortive attempt to leave see you return disappointed, bruised and covered in chimp excreta you realise he wasn’t joking. You are trapped in Milton Keynes.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You do not have a position in the Stav Bureau = -50pts
- You didn’t even make it to the interview = -51pts
- You failed to outwit a Lamassu in a battle of wits = -13pts
- You are trapped in Milton Keynes until suitably sorry = +1pt
- You didn’t die = +2pts
- You will soon wish you had = -3pts
- Emotional State; shame and dishonour = -9pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -123pts
- Rating = Trapped in Milton Keynes and outwitted by a cheap imitation of a Sphinx, how do you live with yourself?
- Future Life = Trapped in Milton Keynes you decide your only way to escape is to raise an army to defeat your simian guards. Deciding to utilise the largest animal you can find you select Urban Foxes and soon have them trained into an efficient furry killing machines. Alas Jimmy has provided purple jacketed overlords for his Simian guards, these horse mounted leaders take a break from beating monkeys for failing to meet pointless and arbitrary targets and organise an old fashioned fox hunt. Your dreams dashed you are forced to work in the fields, denied even the pleasure of looking a distant mountains with a single tear in your eyes by a lamentable absence of mountains.
Would you care to try again?