BOATPIG Page 129
For some inexplicable reason you feel you deserve far more than a provisional role, despite your Spleen, Spleen, Sploul defeat. Certainly the Bureau are mystified at your rejection of their generous offer and depart to the pub, leaving you alone, proudly defiant but mainly alone.
Just as you are losing hope in your ‘holding out’ strategy you see a Bureau minion approach. Clearly the Bureau have realised their error and have despatched a messenger to invite you back. Sadly this dream crashes on the harsh rocks of reality when the minion instead asks you to return the top hat and monocle you borrowed for the match but have neglected to remove. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
As the minion departs you are left monocle-less, alone, slightly less proudly defiant and alone. It is apparent your strategy has not worked out quite as well as you had hoped.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You were offered a position in the Stav Bureau = +100pts
- But, like a fool, you rejected it = -123pts
- You were gracious in Spleen, Spleen, Sploul defeat = +9pts
- You did however still lose = -38pts
- You didn’t die = +5pts
- Your elaborate gambit to attain a Stav Ministership failed = -29pts
- Why you ever thought it would work remains a mystery = -13pts
- Emotional State; slight pride and disappointment = +2pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = -87pts
- Rating = This is why you can’t have nice things.
- Future Life = Dejected at both your defeat in Spleen, Spleen, Sploul and your failure to obtain a position in the Bureau you return to your old life of bassoon polishing and cataloguing pres-schism Eritrean bagpipes. Sadly you soon discover those hitherto pleasurable pastimes that have somewhat lost their old allure since your exposure to the world of the Bureau. Your life soon descends into a spiral of depression, bagpipes and a cake habit so strong that not even the revelation it is a made up drug helps you beat the addiction.
Would you care to try again?