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BOATPIG Page 115

You reason that, for all the Dragon’s advantages it is not actually an underground creature, whereas the Mole would be fighting in it’s natural environment. Confident in the Mole’s chances you forsake the advantage of stealth in favour of speed, hoping to get to London before too much damage is done.

Being a Dragon there is only one place to look, Bank Station near the vaults of the Bank of England. The Dragon is indeed lurking around Bank, fortunately it has gotten badly confused by the whole Bank/Monument interchange and hasn’t yet ravaged the city. With no time to waste you urge the Mole into action!

This may not have been your best idea, in the clash of claw and scale and fire it is soon apparent the Mole is not doing well. You appear to have cocked up somewhat. - GAME OVER

Your Ending

It would be cruel to say you panicked at this point, but then reality is often cruel. Just as all hope seemed lost an explosion echoes around the station and the Bureau burst into the fight, the Chairman holding aloft an oddly coloured wedge shaped item. Clearly it is a relic of some type, you spot several Monks of Antioch accompanying the Bureau and swinging smoke. Strangely the smoke smells not of incense, but Port.

Clearly startled by this turn of events, and obviously in some way weakened by the mysterious object, the Dragon stumbles, providing a opening for the Mole to strike the killer blow and defeat the beast. As the Bureau move to check the Mole is OK and congratulate it on it’s victory you hope your contribution will be noted.

Satisfied the Mole is stable the Bureau turn to you, and it’s not good news. While they congratulate you on summoning the Mole they then proceed to admonish you for letting it attack a Dragon unaided, worse they saw you panic and express their view that no Minister should panic in such situations, it’s just undignified.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• You are not a Bureau Member = 0pts
• It has been made clear you lack the Right Stuff to be in the Bureau = -12pts
• You have witnessed the awesome power of the Giant Comedy Cheese. = +127pts
• You are unlikely to ever witness such wonder again = -126pts
• You didn’t die = +5pts
• Neither did the Mole = +6pts
• The Bureau were more concerned about the Mole = -6pts
• Emotional State; relief, shame and fear at the harsh judgement of the Bureau = -2pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = -1pt
• Rating = Just negative, but then the Bureau do take a dim view of panic. Equally you almost got the Mole killed and it was the Bureau who saved the day, so you can hardly complain.
• Future Life = While you lack the right stuff to be in the Bureau, they do offer you a role, one you accept in desperation. Despatched to Milton Keynes you are to become the Keeper of the Mole, a role you initially are quite pleased with. Alas it turns out you are not looking after your erstwhile companion, but instead making sure that the tomb complex is prepared to perfectly preserve Chesney Hawke’s mole when it arrives. This was not the career you dreamed of, but it is your fate.

Would you care to try again?