BOATPIG Page 108
With the match finely balanced you decide that now is the time to deploy Lord Howe’s Manoeuvre. Despite a complete lack of training and practice you you successfully execute the manoeuvre to the shock and awe of the crowd, referee and opponent.
This is not a good thing. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
The stunned silence is broken by the referee pitying you for being a fool. This continues for quite some time. Seeing you are not going to get any sense out of Mr T. you ask Stav what’s going on. Stav kindly explains that while wheeling your fleet to break the enemy’s line of battle is a fine piece of tactical seamanship it’s not exactly relevant to Spleen, Spleen, Sploul and certainly isn’t a recognised move. Not outside of Napoleonic naval combat anyway.
This is confirmed as Mr T. announces that Stav is the winner by Technical Vent. Apparently you should have used Lord Hawke’s manoeuvre, then you wouldn’t have lost at Spleen, Spleen, Sploul and so failed your interview.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- You are not a member of the Bureau = 0pts
- You failed the interview = +1pt
- Because you were defeated at Spleen, Spleen, Sploul = -5pts
- Due to the deployment of an outstanding, if utterly irrelevant, piece of seamanship = +50pts
- You still lost = -51pts
- Emotional State; disappointed but vaguely proud = +1pt
Ranking
- Grand Total = -4pts
- Rating = That could have gone much, much worse. OK it’s still negative, but relatively speaking that’s not an awful result. Not for BOATPIG, you are still alive at least.
- Future Life = While you failed the interview you at least did it in style, if nothing else everyone was very impressed at where you found all those 74 gun ships of the line to carry out the manoeuvre. Indeed the Bureau subsequently recognise your abilities by offering you a job as Bureau Roadie, in which role you are tasked with supplying the Bureau with improbably vast and unworldly items at short notice. While not a member by any stretch it’s better than nothing and is certainly more satisfying than bagpipe collecting. But then what isn’t?
Would you care to try again?