BOATPIG Page 107
You rendezvous with Gordy in the Mexican resort of Cancun where he explains he has tracked Urban down to somewhere in Belize and intends to cross the border that night. You introduce your selected assistant, Felicity, and look to Gordy’s reaction. Gordy is, as always, a gentleman and politely doffs his Fez and engages her in spirited conversation.
Your hopes you have made a good choice are, sadly, dashed later when Miss Atio is powdering her nose. Taking the opportunity for a private conversation Gordy delicately and regretfully explains that you are an idiot. Felicity Atio is a silly name and that’s an end of it. He’ll make the best of it for the ladies sake, but he doesn’t hold out much hope. - GAME OVER
Your Ending
Lacking an innuendo named female accomplice any Bond style mission was doomed to failure and so it transpires. Pope Urban had long gone and while there was a pun laden finale with Urban’s henchmen involving a Mayan temple, a large stone block and an awful pun about some people sacrificing everything for the job it didn’t actually help find Urban.
Overall the Bureau are not impressed, certainly you get credit for finding out Urban had returned, but you lack of even a basic understanding of Bondian principles weighs heavily against, particularly after you had chosen to call Gordy and go the suave and covert route. The Bureau reject your bid for full Ministerial position, choosing to instead offer you a role as Assistant Junior Minister for Null Entendre. In grateful desperation you accept.
Your Achievements or Otherwise
- Despite it all you have been appointed to a position in the Stav Bureau = +50pts
- However you are not a full Stav Minister = -65pts
- In fact you are fairly low down the list = -29pts
- But not at the bottom = +18pts
- You did have a nice few weeks in Cancun while Gordy was hunting Urban in Belize = +30pts
- Felicity Atio? Really? I can see what you were trying for but it’s just not worked = -1pt
- You didn’t die = +2pts
- Emotional State; a vague sense of pride and a burning desire for a 007 marathon to brush up on Bond logic = +12pts
Ranking
- Grand Total = +17pts
- Rating = It could be worse, for no matter how low down the ladder you are you at least made it into the Bureau in some capacity and that’s an achievement in itself. Not a particularly good one, but an achievement nonetheless.
- Future Life = You barely have time to start working for the Bureau before you are approached by a Deputy Under Minister from the Ministry of Searching, Seeking and Location and offered a transfer and promotion. The Fruit Tree Location Task Force is looking for new blood and think you could be just what they need, your grasp of the Null Entendre points to a natural gift for anti-humour and it is hoped that insight might help the team hunting down Fruit Tree. Fortunately the transfer is blocked at the highest level when it is realised that with your background in Urban hunting there is a unacceptable possibility (i.e. some) that you might succeed and find the bugger, and that really isn’t something the Bureau is prepared to risk. Instead you settle down to work in the Bureau’s Bread and Circuses Department and a life of writing ITV sitcoms with jokes that sort of look like they should work but actually don’t.
Would you care to try again?