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BOATPIG Page 113

Capturing Pope Urban is obviously a job for the Ministry of Security, thus Shep is the only possible choice. You resolve to call him and hope that your key role in the operation will propel you to Stav Minister status and beyond!

High above the jungles of Belize a fleet of horse drawn Zeppelins are congregating, inside the massed ranks of the Stavish Inquisition are going through final pre-jump training. You had worried that Shep may secretly agree with Urban and join in his world domination ways, fortunately as a hardened veteran of the Pope Wars Shep knows full well that beating Urban now is far less effort than doing it later so has mobilised a vast army to capture Urban - dead or deader. Your Bureau future rests on their success - GAME OVER

Your Ending

The shire-horses finish their stealth approach and the Inquisitors jump out of the skies and begin parachuting into the abandoned Mayan temple that Urban is excavating. As they fan out they discover much evidence of Urban and his followers but the man himself is absent. If only Shep hadn’t taken so long to bother to answer his phone or reply to an email you may have caught him, as it is Urban has escaped.

While technically it wasn’t your fault, the Bureau are nevertheless unimpressed that you entrusted a time sensitive mission to Shep. However you did warn them of the return of Urban and this sort of thing is supposed to be what a Ministry of Security is for, so they can’t be too harsh. On balance you are offered the role as Vice Deputy Minister for Plausibly Bad Plans, a role you happily accept.

Your Achievements or Otherwise

• You are a Bureau Member = +20pts
• You didn’t even have to attend a formal interview = +26pts
• You aren’t a Minister = -50pts
• You took the job because it seemed like a good idea. = +27pts
• It isn’t = -47pts
• But the fact you took it makes you eminently qualified = +29pts
• Emotional State; Pride and curiosity at quite what your new role is. = +16pts

Ranking

• Grand Total = +21pts
• Rating = Alive and a semi-hero for warning the world of the return of Urban, so why are you barely in the positive? Because you trusted Shep to do something quickly and that was never the high scoring option.
• Future Life = As a key part of the Ministry of Plans it is you job to organise the schemes and activities of the Bureau, in particular your role is that of cockup detection officer. By coming up with plausible sounding plans that nonetheless contain horrific, but not obvious, problems you help identify problems that the actual planners can avoid. This is an honourable office and once you eventually take great pride in. You are helped by the fact your bad planning skills mean you aren’t haunted by lost opportunities - even in hindsight your ‘If only I’d done this’ dreams are badly planned and fatally flawed, leaving you with no regrets once all the problems are pointed out to you.

Would you care to try again?