The Sugar Beet Marketing Board Project

The Bureau has become increasingly concerned about the quality and direction of the ongoing Sugar Beet vs Sugar Cane Debate. It is possible that, without suitable guidance, the wrong conclusions may be reached with catastrophic consequences that are too obvious to need repeating here. To avert this disaster the Party Chairman has direct the formation of the Sugar Beet Marketing Board to edify, educate and guide the public to the correct, historically clarified, decision.

Policy Aims

The Sugar Beet Marketing Board Project aims to achieve the following objectives and will be judged harshly by the Stav Bureau should they fail to be achieve them;

Proposed Strategy

Advertising is fickle and unreliable, while public information campaigns are often ignored. It is therefore proposed to utilise popular culture, carefully inserting the message into otherwise normal films and productions. At this stage the following ideas have been developed;

Big Sugar

A classic British Gangster movie, set in the world of underground sugar supply. Local small time sugar beet rascals (Jason Statham going back to his roots?) get in over their heads when international gangs move in on their turf with cheap foreign sugar beet. Making a temporary alliance with the local old-skool sweetening boss, The Refiner (Michael Caine?), and his chief henchman Charlie “Two Lumps” (Vinnie Jones?), the local boys fight back. The film climaxes in a dramatic shoot out in the Silvertown Sugar Refinery and a maze of double- and triple crosses, culminating in a tanker full of semi-refined sugar cane being blown up and a terrible pun about Vinne Jones being ‘Sweet Enough’. Provisionally intended as a work for Guy Ritchie.

West India Dock Side Story

This is a dramatic re-imagining of Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story. The action moves to the West India Docks where two rival gangs, the Canes and the Beets are battling for control of the sugar trade. Two star-crossed fools, Barry Sucrose and Belinda Glucose, try to make love work across the bitter divide. (Not literally bitter obviously, that would be stupid). Thrill at the actions, gasp at the songs, shudder at the surprising amount of dentistry.