God’s Tears - Brandy, Port, Red Bull - Cough Mixture (Benylin)
Sloughs’s Dishonour - Gin, Port, Red Bull - An interesting failure
Stav’s Shame - Brandy, Tequila, Cinzano Bianco - Could bring down a Detroit plane
Stav’s Mild Embarrassment - Brandy, Tequila, Cinzano Bianco, Lemonade - That’s not bad actually
Mr T’s Bear - Vodka, Tequila, Pineapple Juice - So bland as to be pitiful
Violated Staircase - Whiskey, Port, Cinzano Bianco - It’s deeply and fundamentally repugnant
Dear God no! Claw? - Gin, Port, Cinzano Bianco - Axel won’t give it back OR Oh God it burns on the way down
Vectron’s Spade - Brandy, Malibu, Ginger Wine - Woah what have you produced there?
Flaming Omnipotent Spleen - Port, Gin, Cinzano Bianco - That’s quite nice actually. Drunk Twice no less!
Squishy Claw - Gin, Whisky, Ginger Wine - You notice it going down, but not in a bad way. So good he drunk it twice. Again.
Violated Artificial Hip Joint - Gin, Tequila, Lemonade - That has alcohol in it!
Violated Wasteland - Port, Brandy, Ginger Ale - Lacks Je Ne Sais Quoi. Damn it’s eyes.
The Devil’s Parrot - Tequila, Port, Tonic Water - It’s like chewy Ribena. OR Good God no I can’t have any more of that. (Add extra lemonade to make - The Devil’s Penguin - That’s quite nice)
Derelict picture frame - Whisky, Red Wine, Pear Cider - That tastes likes the Pope’s abuse
Mr T’s Fool - Vodka, Ginger Wine, Apple Juice - Complex with a subtle after taste and a hint of red striped GMC van in face.
Shep’s Urinary Tract Infenction - Everything - “AHHHH! That’s vile! - Shep, after foolishly playing with clockfails. Then “It’s not getting any better!” then “Maybe I’m missing Tequila?” Finally “Watch out for the smartie that’s floating in it”. Last judgement “That’s fine for the first sip, then it burns all the way down and has a horrible bitter aftertaste.” Epitaph - That might be the worst clocktail we’ve ever invented”
The Devil’s Nuclear Apocalypse - “Vodka, Apple Juice, Shep’s Joy (Pimms and Tequila)” - Alright. Which is high praise indeed. Not bad for containing Shep’s Joy.
Burning Parrot - White Wine, Vodka, Lemonade, Worcestershire Sauce - “Bacony”, “My god, that’s quite nice, how did we make this?!”
Vectron’s desolation - White wine, pineapple and juice vodka
Stay Legacy - Rum*2, Tropical Juice, apple juice - Drinkable
Backwards Ritual - Malibu, Tropical Fruit Juice, Lemonade, Burning Parrot, Cream - “Win!” “It’s made of win!”
Disused Butler - Dark Rum, Cranberry Juice, Tropical Juice - “Surprisingly nice”
Only Bad People Get Haddock - Brandy, Port, Tomato - “The worst drink we have ever made!”
Hard throbbing rectal probe - Vodka, Lemonade, Tomato juice, empty string - The name makes it win.
Dear lord Stav is a pedantic rude horse - Whisky, Tonic, Pineapple juice - “Quite nice, that’s all you can say about it” A win by our standards.
The morse code for prophecy - Tequila, Port, Coke - “Surprisingly drinkable”
The A-Team’s shit in the woods - Vodka, Kahula, Orange Juice - “Not as terrible as you’d expect”. With it’s floaty brown colour it did look the A-Team had failed to find a traditional toilet.
Bastardised Jamaican Sunset - Dark Rum, White Rum, Orange Juice, Pineapple Juice, Bitters - Not actually a clocktail, perhaps why it was so nice.
Princess’ Louise’s sullying sceptred bishop - Vodka, Pear Cider, Lemonade - “That’s quite nice”
The King’s Monarchy - Gin, Cinzano Bianco, Bitters - “Ohhh god no.” “It really captures the whole trying to eat your own ear expression.” “It burns on the way down.” “Probably on the way up again as well.” Vicki, Alex, Jo, Alex.
Lady William’s shaking begging violating august dirty cheese monger - Tequila, Apple juice, Supercassis - Just for the name really
Null - 4 parts St Peter’s Whisky Ale, 1 part Jaegermeister, 1 part Rum, splash of Bitters
Stav’s Sweetenough - Cassiss, Grenadine, Vodka, Lemonade - Ribena!
Christmas - Cointrowel, Tequila, Sugar Syrup, Bitters
Mr Bumbleton’s Annoying Member - cock tequila mead jagermeister - “This will be the finest drink ever” – Phil, before tasting it. “That’s everything I hoped for, and more” – Phil. “Erm, nope.” – Jimmy
Lord Jackson’s Touching Inversion - cock mead beer orange juice. “Lascivious “ Jimmy (Saville)